I was born to do this.

Here is my favorite picture of Ella. This was taken just after she came home from the hospital. The light coming into the nursery through the pink curtains was perfect! Her facial expression also captures what she's been like so far. Marie's mom keeps saying, "this is the calmest most content baby I've ever seen." We are truly blessed with her.

I included this one just because she looks cute. This picture was taken on the 25th and she's already changed again. If I could, I'd just sit and watch her all day. It's so easy to do. I knew I'd be overwhelmed by this experience, but I had no idea how much I'd change.

I've never felt a sense of purpose this strong. Deciding on college, majors, and choosing a career were driven by a sense of purpose and destiny. Those things cannot begin to compare to the sense of purpose I feel when I look after Ella.

I know that I was born to be her father. there is nothing I care about more. I understood some things change when you have kids, but I'm surprised by how irresistible the urge is to take care of her. I suppose it's been in my DNA always, but when she stirs it's as if I go into auto pilot. I need no snooze button. I don't think about checking the clock or give much thought to when I can do anything else.

When I'm with Ella and Marie, it's easier to stay in the moment than ever, to be fully present for them. I'm sure the intensity of this will fade as the newness of it all wears off, but I can't go back. I'm a dad. I was born to be a dad.


The Hanique's said...

She is soooooooo cute! She keeps changing so much. But no matter how much she changes she's beautiful! You are so blessed! I can't wait to see her. I can tell by your stories that you are a great Dad already. so much devotion and love. Wow!

Andy and Steff said...

That's beautiful, Mike. We're so excited fof you & Marie and can't wait to see your parenting in person. :)

Forger of the one ring... TO RULE THEM ALL! said...

That's pretty deep. But if that's the case, then what would the sense of purpose be, ultimately, for those who aren't destined to have children?

I wonder...

Mike Collins said...

Hey one ring,
that's a great question. for me purpose and destiny are very personal things. if everyone had the same purpose and destiny, then we would live in a VERY boring world. In the bible, this guy named Paul talked about his purpose being tied so closely to the Church (with a big C) that having a family and children would have weighed him down.

A modern example of a person searching for purpose is Henri Nouwen. He inspires me still, not just with his books either. His life was a search for purpose and for meaning and he found it in a very unlikely place. For him fulfillment didn't come from money...which he had or academic fame and respect...which he had. Instead, his purpose came from taking care of mentally challenged people in the l'arch communities in Paris and Toronto.

the will of G-d is a mighty rushing river, not a tightrope. find something that makes you come alive and that gives you TRUE pleasure. when you do that, G-d is most pleased.

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